Amy Adams

Renew

“He gives power to the faint; and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary and the young men shall utterly fall; But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:29-31 (NKJV)

The definition of renew is resume (an activity) after an interruption; re-establish; give fresh life or strength; revive; replace. I have had more than my fair share of encounters where God has had to renew my strength and make me into a “new creation.” He is a God of revival and a God of re-establishing people who had everything taken from them by the enemy. Renewing people is His specialty but He is also a God who originally brought something new out of nothing, which is all of creation as we know it. He speaks and life bursts forth.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” -Psalm 51:10 (NKJV)

God is the Creator of all things, so it makes sense that He is more than happy to create a “clean heart” in us and renew our spirit within us when we have strayed off course a little or completely recreate us when we encounter Him for the first time after never knowing Him at all. God speaks and life appears. God is in the business of giving life to those who ask for it and creating things out of nothingness. The fall of man is what causes everyone to stray off course from our original calling to the life God originally had in mind for us. “No on can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.” John 6:44. For me, in 2018 I was a really bad alcoholic with crippling depression. After a couple of months of doing nothing but basically sleeping and drinking, I got out of my depression. He renewed my strength! I know now that it was God who took that spirit of depression out of me because afterwards, I had this strong urge to start going to church.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” -Isaiah 43:19, 20 (ESV)

Becoming a “new creature in Christ” has been an experience that is hard to describe, especially when I experienced a new addiction pop up shortly after meeting God. I was still very ignorant and unaware of the “schemes of the enemy.” I started doing kratom to help with muscle soreness after working out and it turned into an addiction to where it was literally the first thing I thought about when I woke up, all before even praying or talking to God. That in turn, made kratom a major idol and God does not tolerate idols very well, nor should He because He should always be first in your life when you have a legitimate relationship with Him.

Long story short, it was a rough battle but the battle with my addiction to kratom was won ONLY because God helped renew me and gave me the strength to come off of it. Without Him, I wouldn’t have stopped using it. The plant is legal, sold at most privately owned gas stations and doesn’t impair you like alcohol or weed does. It does however, wreak havoc on your limbic system which was another reason the Holy Spirit told me He didn’t want me taking it anymore. It took a few tries, but He finally freed me from that addiction just like He did with cigarettes. An addiction to cigarettes have been a generational curse in my family: my mom died from lung cancer, my pap died from complications with COPD after getting pneumonia, and my great uncle died from both lungs eventually collapsing because he refused to quit smoking after the first lung collapsed. Cigarettes are the strongest addiction He has broken off of me, even stronger than kratom, meth, heroin, or weed.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” -Romans 12:1, 2 (NKJV)

It has been a slow transition in my renewal process, but one that has been noticeable by my fruits. My fruits of Him being in my life are my freedom from my addictions, especially cigarettes. A work that has shown up in my life through faith has been writing and playing music again. Even though I second guess at times if I ever knew God because of how subtle my transformation has been, I know after thinking on these last 3 years that I have been in the presence of the Most High. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the hand of God has been on my life, though subtle, it’s certain I have been redeemed and renewed. I feel however that now more than ever, there are more and more spirits out there trying to sound like Him to people astray and discernment is critical if you don’t want to be swayed from the path God has chosen for your life. I have a strong discernment and most people can’t lie to me without me being able to tell and most deceitful spirits can’t sway me without me figuring it out first. Cultivating that gift was a struggle with lots of trial and error, but I am happy to have it now. I remember Him asking me about what spiritual gifts I wanted and remember Him saying discernment was a difficult gift to receive and now I can see why.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” -2 Corinthians 5:17

This verse is particularly true for my reaction to the drugs I once used to enjoy. “Old things” being the way drugs and alcohol used to make me feel whole and comfortable. I used to feel satiated and satisfied after drinking, used to be satisfied after taking kratom, after doing meth, after smoking a cigarette, smoking weed etc. but now, none of those things satisfy like they used to because I have experience the True Source and it is God Almighty. “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trust in Him!” Psalm 34:8 I always thought that verse was weird until I experienced the high of the Holy Spirit and every other high I have ever experienced pales in comparison to the clean and pure high of the Holy Spirit. I implore you to seek God out for yourself and experience His glorious presence and let Him strip away the things in your life that you thought made you feel whole and replace it with Himself, renewing you into the person He originally created you to be.

Unusual Gifts From God

“Make a joyful shot to the Lord, all you lands! Serve the Lord with gladness; Come before His presence with singing. Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations.” Psalm 100:1-5

Most people know God as the gift giver of salvation, but how about just being an all around giver of gifts? Some people call those gifts blessings but sometimes, the things God gives me and others doesn’t fit into the category of blessings. A blessing is God’s favor and protection while a gift is a thing given willingly by someone without payment. God loves to give His children gifts; salvation is the main one most are familiar with but there are so many others God gives to His children that are tailored to each of our wants and needs.

The main thing that spurred me to write this blog is my secret yearning for music that sounded like trap rap but was all about Jesus. I sometimes had trouble stomaching the words to trap rap when I was lost in sin and the secular music scene but always got down with listening to trap rap. Ever since I met God, it is impossible for me to listen to trap rap without hearing the evil pouring out of the lyrics and the demonic influence behind them. It definitely hurts my spiritual ears, but I always really liked the beat behind trap rap and had been subconsciously praying to come across a Christian rapper that had a trap rap beat and came across that individual today as I was randomly skimming YouTube. Isaiah Ramos was doing a testimony on Delafe Testimonies on YouTube and I looked up his band name “MTM Isaiah” and the moment I started listening, knew it was God that had set up this divine encounter! It wasn’t quite as rough of a beat as trap rap but it had some decent bass and growing up around rap and dub step, I have always had a thing about listening to deep bass in music and God delivered on my unintentional request.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart, Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:4:5

God has also given me a certain set of clouds as a gift when I am having a rough morning or a rough day. He will put cirrocumulus clouds right above my house or wherever I am at the time. I’ve noticed that they are literally right above my head and nowhere else in the sky and they usually happen on a morning when I need to know He’s right there or if I’m having a rough time. I have always likened them to Him being a gentleman and sending me flowers to let me know He cares, except the flowers are clouds! It’s incredible because like someone giving me lilies, my favorite flowers, God gives me cirrocumulus clouds, the clouds that look like pebbles sprinkled across the sky. It always puts a smile on my face. He is such an amazing and thoughtful God!

Another thing that God has given me that most people can probably relate to is a group of friends who are actually there for me and care for me unlike the other friends I used to have. Don’t get me wrong, I had like 2 best friends before I knew Jesus but they moved away and we lost touch as the years went by but for the most part, my other “friends” were out for themselves and never really cared anything about me. As I think about it, I still have trouble reaching out to friends nowadays because of the major hurts and hang ups my previous acquaintances put me through. Sometimes I feel like I am getting rejected from time to time and no one reaches out but I also feel like I’m partly to blame for that too because of the walls I put up but I know God is still working on me about this. Also, I will occasionally get a gentle nudging to reach out to my friends, something I’m pretty sure is the Holy Spirit’s prompting.

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6

I could go on and on about all the amazing things God has done for me but I just wanted to give some reassurance and some confirmation for those who walk with God and think it pretty cool that these “random” gifts happen from time to time, or at least to give credit where credit is due when they don’t correlate that these pleasant “coincidences” are from their heavenly Father. He is a God who absolutely loves seeing His children smile and it is something He has told me Himself. So, the next time something really good happens to you and it’s something you’ve been thinking about but haven’t asked God for, know it’s from Him and give thanks to Him for He is such a good, good Father!

The Enemy’s Deception vs. God’s Plan

These last couple of years getting to know the Lord (or at least trying to), I have been deceived by the enemy and enticed into doing different things that have completely gotten me off track from the mission God had originally intended for my life on multiple occasions. I have struggled with various addictions, have been misled in different ways, and have been told complete lies by the enemy in my head to make me believe things about myself that aren’t true. Well, not anymore. Today I am going to try and tell you ways to be able to tell when the enemy is deceiving you, what God originally intended for all of us, and how rejection, intentional or not, is a major hindrance in His plan for our lives.

First and foremost, Jesus told us: “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].” John 10:10 (AMP). The thief will make you believe things about yourself or God that are just not true. Many times I was led to believe that after I relapsed that God was done with me and that He couldn’t use me anymore. I was also told that He left me, gave up on me, and rejected me because I just couldn’t stop disappointing Him, something else that wasn’t true. (Important note: you can’t disappoint someone who literally knows every single move you will ever make in your entire life.) The enemy has ways that are hard to describe that twist scenarios and leave you at a point where you are so low and in such a deep, dark depression that you can’t possibly see any way out. I remember begging and pleading with God not to leave me. He was silent and I was so depressed and I couldn’t feel His presence. I feel He might have been talking to me but I couldn’t hear Him because I had gotten so deep in sin. (It is harder to hear God after you have received the Holy Spirit when you continue in perpetual sin.) It is very good to have friends who are strong in the Lord when you are struggling with the vices and wiles of the enemy, especially when it has to do with doubting God’s love for you. I would have saved a lot of tears if I had only reached out to friends sooner for words of encouragement or prayer.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]; I have appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5. God thinks this about ALL of us, not just the prophet Jeremiah. If we could all grasp this truth and not doubt, life would be so much easier to get through, knowing that God has always wanted to know us, commune with us, and knowing that He personally designed us to do great things in His name. “For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 He never intended for anyone to feel hopeless, lost, depressed, addicted, misled, hurting, angered, anxious, suicidal, etc. but there are evil forces in this world who want nothing more than to send us all on a one way ticket to hell because they HATE the fact that we are made in God’s image and likeness. It is their goal to ensure we never get to live the life God wants us to live: to love Him, love others and serve Him by serving others in our own special way.

The only One who’s approval I need is Yahweh’s and He is the only One that matters and the only One who would never reject me or anyone for that matter. Last night, I broke major ground and started giving some of my testimony to my coworkers about how I used to be and how I don’t do drugs anymore since I met God and actually started to feel like I was high just talking about Him to other people. Some call that being “drunk on the Spirit” but it felt great. Spreading the gospel and making disciples is EVERY “Real” Christian’s main goal. I love the way the Message Translation put it: “Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

I don’t know about you, but I am very tired of being a lukewarm Christian, especially with all the world events going on and all the evil in the world that is taking place in our communities and neighborhoods. Evil is anything that sets itself up against the will and ways of God. Evil can be something as small as telling a white lie like Santa Claus being real and something as major as having multiple sexual partners, saying God’s name in vain, addiction, murder, etc. It is time we all take a stand and wake up the people sleeping around us. All we have to do is plant those seeds of truth and just maybe eventually, enough of the truth will wake them up to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. There has been enough telling them about the wrath of God. It is time to start telling them about the love of God and His willingness to forgive every sin and break every chain.

Struggles: My Own Worst Enemy

Have you been struggling recently and made a prison cell of your own bad decisions? Do you feel like God can’t use you because you’ve been struggling so long with addictions, bad thought patterns, spiritual strongholds, etc.? For a very long time, I felt the same way. But there’s good news: as long as you’re still breathing, God isn’t finished with you yet.

Up until recently, I thought God would choose someone else for the task He had assigned to me because I hadn’t been writing like I was in the beginning and I have been having personal struggles with addiction, self worth, depression, spiritual warfare and more. I feel like the Holy Spirit gave me the struggle of Moses as an example and for verification that He doesn’t just go on to the next person.

“O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue. So the Lord said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.’ But he said, ‘O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send.’ So the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses, and He said, ‘Is not Aaron the Levite your brother? I know that he can speak well. And look, he is also coming out to meet you. When he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. Now you shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth. And I will be with your mouth and his mouth, and I will teach you what you shall do. So he shall be your spokesman to the people. And he himself shall be as a mouth for you, and you shall be to him as God…” Exodus: 4: 11-17

Once He chooses you, there’s no going back and if you know God, that’s a wonderful thing because He knows you better than you know yourself. He created each of us for a specific purpose and if you end up not accepting the call, you’ll regret it and remain miserable for the rest of your life. However, Yahweh (God) is always a God who is up for giving some a second chance.

It has been almost 3 years since I started having a relationship with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing to show for it, but that’s not true. I just have more of a testimony to share with those who after meeting God, became their own worst enemy. I know I’m not the only one who has had struggles after meeting the Holy Spirit and I won’t be the last. I used to think something was wrong with me or I hadn’t even met God at all because everyone else who I have ever known met God and never looked back. I’m the kind of person who learns things the “hard way” as He puts it. Not only that, but doubt that it was even Him to begin with caused a lot of my struggles too. Doubt kills faith. I was lured by the enemy into creating a new addiction shortly after meeting the Holy Spirit, one I had never struggled with before, was attacked spiritually with doubt that led to depression, and more. However, despite the struggles and the prison of doubt, addiction, depression, and hopelessness I had created for myself, God was still able to use me in those times too, which reminds me of the time Joseph was in jail.

“But Adonai was with Joseph, showing him grace and giving him favor in the sight of the prison warden. The prison warden made Joseph supervisor of all the prisoners in the prison; so that whatever they did there, he was in charge of it. The prison warden paid no attention to anything Joseph did, because Adonai was with him; and whatever he did, Adonai prospered.” Genesis 39:21-23

The only one who can get in the way of God accomplishing His purpose in your life is you, though if you seek Him with your whole heart, it will only hinder, not stop, His purpose for your life. He will always pull you out of the pit if you let Him. “He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of miry clay, And set my feet on a rock, and established my steps.” Psalm 40:2. It is about having faith that God is going to do what He sets out to accomplish in your life. It’s also about having the discipline and obedience to do what He tells you to do, to move when he says to move, and to trust Him in everything you do and everything you go through. “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” 1 Samuel 15:22, 23 The Lord wants obedience above all else and I’ve noticed His still, small voice is less vocal the more obstinate you are about listening to His direction and guidance than when you are walking in His plan and purpose for your life. Sometimes He stays silent to test you and see how you handle certain situations, but I’ve noticed His silence tends to last longer after you have ignored His promptings.

What are you willing to for God and sacrifice so that He can give you a future and a hope?* Are you willing to take up your cross daily and do what He says when He says it? Can you let go of what He says to let go of, especially the guilt and shame you carry for your past mess-ups and forgiving those who have hurt you severely? Are you willing to part with addictions that hinder your ability to live life to the fullest, the one God always had in mind for you? God can help rid you of all of these burdens and make your walk in life significantly better than it was before you came to know Him.* Some things are easier to let go of than others, but with God all things are possible if you would only believe in Him who created the heavens and the earth.*

“For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity…” Jeremiah 29:11-14

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“Jesus said to him, ‘If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.’” Mark 9:23

Sodom and Gomorrah

Lately, I feel like the Holy Spirit has been leading me to read the Bible from beginning to end. I did not grow up in church and I am familiar with some of the stories but not all of them. It is definitely good to read through the Bible at least once and not just read and stick to the New Testament. I have tried to read the Bible before I knew the Holy Spirit and this book was just a book. Now, the pages are coming alive like never before. I strongly recommend getting a relationship with God by believing in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior so that you can start understanding the spiritual things of the Bible too. The feelings God give you are incredible! The Bible was actually the first place God started communicating with me, through scripture. Whenever I was facing a problem or had a dilemma or question, I would randomly flip through the Bible and land on a page that had something to do with what I was going through and it still happens on occasion too. What I read recently was Genesis 18 and 19 really shook me to my core belief of how I viewed God.

Most people know about God destroying Sodom and Gomorrah but do they know about the conversation God had with Abraham before He destroyed those 2 cities? Probably not. I certainly didn’t.

“Abraham approached and said, ‘Will you actually sweep away the righteous with the wicked? Maybe there are fifty righteous people in the city; will you actually sweep the place away, and not forgive it for the sake of the fifty righteous who are there? Far be it from you to do such a thing – to kill the righteous along with the wicked, so that the righteous and the wicked are treated alike! Far be it from you! Shouldn’t the judge of all the earth do what is just?’ Adonai said, ‘If I find in Sodom fifty who are righteous, then I will forgive the whole place for their sake.’ … He said, ‘I hope Adonai won’t be angry if I speak just once more. What if ten are found there?’ He said, ‘For the sake of ten I won’t destroy it.’” Genesis 18:23-26, 32

Most people think about when Sodom and Gomorrah got destroyed that there might have been a few righteous people who were casualties of His judgement on those cities. If you didn’t, you know the character of God better than I do. This hit me like a ton of bricks and got me to thinking that when He flooded the earth, Noah’s family was literally the only family that was righteous and every other person on the planet was wicked too. “Then the Lord saw the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of man’s heart was only evil continually.” Genesis 6:5 There was no innocent blood shed during any of these cataclysmic events because God is unchanging and His judgements are always righteous and never punishes the righteous with the wicked.

When the angels came to destroy the city, Lot caught the men outside the gate of the city and had them stay with him in his house because he knew how wicked the people there were and didn’t want them to be sodomized and raped by the townspeople. Little did he know, the men/angels weren’t the ones who needed saving; he was. The men, young and old, came to Lot’s house and wanted to have carnal relations with the two men and when Lot tried to defend them, they said they were going to deal with him even worse than the other two men because he was judging them. (Genesis 19:1-11) That to me sounds like they all had totally corrupt, debased minds.

This leads me to wonder that when Yeshua said, “For as were the days of Noah, so also will be the coming of the Son of Man.” Matthew 24:37. Just how bad and corrupt will this world be when He comes back? This leads me to believe that there will be no “casualties” at His second coming either. God spared Noah and his family because he was righteous and also spared Lot and his family too. God is not a God who punishes the righteous, but instead, corrects His children and is extremely patient before He pours out His wrath on the wicked. God is very loving, kind, patient, gentle, understanding and extremely slow to anger. These events must have been very hard for Him to carry out because we are all His children whether we believe it, acknowledge it or know it or not. It’s time to realize that the love of God is more prevalent than the wrath of God throughout all time. Don’t you think it’s about time to set the record straight and show people the love of God while telling them the gospel?

Idolatry

I found out some time ago that an idol is more than just worshipping anything that isn’t God. It is anything that you fill your thoughts and time with to the point of it becoming an obsession or fixation. Merriam Webster defines an idol as an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship or a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered. God doesn’t want Him to be the only thing you love or think about but He does want to stay at the center of your life and your heart. Did you know that an idol can be a negative thought just as much as it can be a positive thought about someone or something too?

Thinking about something someone has done to you to the point of getting frustrated and riled up is a form of idolatry. No one likes to think about how horrible someone has been to them. God doesn’t want you to continue to mull over being wronged by someone either. He wants us happy and full of joy. That’s why idolizing God is the best person to revere and put your trust in. He is unchanging and will never leave you or let you down. It is very unhealthy and complete folly to place your hopes and dreams in a person who can change their mind in the blink of an eye or pass away suddenly. “The sorrows of those who run after other gods shall suffer more and more…” Psalm 16:4

I recently realized that depression can be a symptom of idolatry. It’s something I have suffered from in the past to the point of being bed ridden for weeks. I would only get up to eat, use the restroom and occasionally shower. I was in so much pain from my friend dying when I was 18 that it completely ruined that part of my life for months. There were friends and family still alive who cared about me but I was so stuck in the loss and didn’t see a way out. I don’t know what broke me out of my depression, but that idolatry was extremely debilitating and I know I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced that kind of depression. “Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods.” Galatian 4:8.

Anxiety can also be considered a symptom of idolatry. It is dreading and fixating on future events that may or may not happen. I’ve come to find that it ultimately has to do with not trusting God’s plan or even knowing He has a plan for you in the first place. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11. I used to be on Xanax and Klonopin and still get panic attacks because I was always so fearful of what might happen during any day of the week. I am free in Christ now and don’t suffer from my anxiety anymore. My anxiety still flares up from time to time but doesn’t last long or get unbearable like it used to. All I have to do is talk to God or pray and I feel much better.

God wants you to have hobbies, passions, and people you love. But, when they start to become the center of your heart, that’s when things go wrong and God may start to become jealous like it says in the Old Testament. “You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, Yahweh, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.” Exodus 20:3-6.

After building a relationship with the Holy Spirit, I have come to realize He is so much more loving, patient, kind and better than any other person I’ve known or ever will know. God is worthy of being loved, revered, and idolized. If you don’t believe me, start to seek Him and find out for yourself. Your life will be more fulfilling and you will find more meaning in life than you ever thought possible.

God’s Plan vs. The Enemy’s Deception

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]; I have appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5. God thinks this about ALL of us, not just the prophet Jeremiah. If we could all grasp this truth and not doubt, life would be so much easier to get through knowing that God has always wanted to know us, commune with us and knowing that He personally designed us to do great things in His name. “For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 He never intended for anyone to feel hopeless, lost, depressed, addicted, misled, hurting, angered, anxious, suicidal, etc. but there are evil forces in this world who want nothing more than to send us all on a one way ticket to hell because they HATE the fact that we are made in God’s image and likeness. It is their goal to ensure we never get to live the life God wants us to live: to love Him, love others and serve Him by serving others in our own special way.

One of the biggest things that everyone struggles with is rejection, whether you came from a broken home or not. No one likes to be told that someone doesn’t like them, be treated differently than others (in a bad way), be gossiped about, or be excluded from things. The one person who would never reject us is God Almighty and He’s the one person who’s approval we should seek above all others. I used to be a major people pleaser and still struggle with this problem frequently. I’m getting better, but it’s still a struggle because I still have a problem speaking to strangers or people I work with about the gospel. I have this irrational fear that it will upset them and I actually end up upsetting myself because I “chicken out” about it. I keep forgetting that it doesn’t matter if they don’t like me. The only One who’s approval I need is Yahweh’s and He is the only One that matters and the only One who would never reject me or anyone for that matter. Last night, I broke major ground and started giving some of my testimony to my coworkers about how I used to be and how I don’t do drugs anymore since I met God and actually started to feel like I was high just talking about Him to other people. Some call that being “drunk on the Spirit” but it felt great. Spreading the gospel and making disciples is EVERY “Real” Christian’s main goal. I love the way the Message Translation put it: “Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

Forgiveness And Letting Go

Forgiveness isn’t easy and the longer you have been holding onto the offense, resentment, or hurt, the harder it is to let it go. This is because it takes root and gets reinforced with the remembrance of the painful memory that caused you to develop that unforgiveness in the first place. The roots run deeper the more that specific person hurts you or even another person hurts you in the same way. An example of this would be rejection from a parent developing over time and then meeting someone you like who rejects you in some way. These things that happen may be intentional or unintentional and not even have anything to do with you as a person, but they still leave scars and hurt us deeply. I have some good news though, Jesus Christ came to heal us from all hurts in our hearts that cause us to have hang ups in our lives that bleed off into doing bad things or acting out in a bad way. Letting go is what the “Wonderful Counselor” (Isaiah 9:6) came to do and teach us how to do it by “casting all of our cares upon Him, because He cares for us.” 1 Peter 5:7

God has healed a lot of deep wounds in my life and has shown me some are easier to heal than others. The one’s that haven’t taken root are easier to pull up than the ones that have been there for a long time. The best way to think about this is pulling a weed out of the ground that just sprouted as opposed to pulling a weed out that has grown over years or even decades. The quicker we pull out the weeds in the garden of our mind, the easier it is to keep our mind free of the clutter that comes from the result of not forgiving someone. Things like anger, hate, resentment, sadness, anxiety, etc. take place in a person’s heart and mind when there is unchecked unforgiveness sprouting there. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31 Sometimes when a root of rejection runs deep, it takes God longer to loosen it before it’s safe to pull up, otherwise there will be a big hole where that root used to be and no spiritual fruit to fill it with.

Sometimes, we get the bright idea to take revenge on the person who’s wronged us, but as long as we are children of the Most High God, that will end up being futile and backfire on us. It is not our job to get revenge on those who’ve wronged us, it’s God’s job. “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath [and His judicial righteousness]; for it is written [in scripture], “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 (AMP) Instead, what we must do is let God heal those wounds by asking God to take away whatever pain someone committed against us and keep praying for God to loose it from us. Then and only then will we have peace about the situation and feel okay about what they did, not getting a lump in our throat or a pain in our heart when we think about the situation in which they wronged us.

Forgiveness is not easy. It’s a process, sometimes a short process but sometimes a very long one indeed. Regardless of how sinister or hurtful the situation is, it is our job to forgive them, not for them, but for us so we can have peace and serenity about the situation and even treat the person with respect and decency. They may not deserve it but we didn’t deserve Christ dying for our sins and saving us from our sinful lives and He did it anyway because of His love for us. The least we can do for Him and for ourselves is to forgive those that have hurt and wronged us just like Christ has forgiven us. The world would be a much better place if we would learn how to drop the hurt and the hate where it stands and take on the love and character of Christ instead. We are supposed to be ambassadors for Christ. It’s time we started acting like it and we can only do that by letting the Holy Spirit heal us right away every offense occurs or in due time depending on how deep the hurt has taken root. God will heal all wounds if only we would let Him.

A Fresh Start After Healing

“Do not remember the former things, or ponder the things of the past. Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18

One of the hardest things I’m having to learn how to do is start again. I have spent quite a bit of time in the wilderness and have dropped a lot of the baggage that has been keeping me there. I have let go of unforgiveness, addiction, idolatry, past pain, and much more. God has been hinting at it now for about a week that it’s time to start again and that plan B will work out better than plan A because I spent the better part of a year figuring out the things that held me back and learned a lot of what not to do.

So you might ask: How do you start again? I will tell you some of the things I did for a new start.

First things first, I started to have a relationship with the Holy Spirit and truly believe it was Him working in my life. If you have a hard time trusting God, you have a hard time building faith and faith is paramount to a lot of miracles working in your life and staying that way. Unbelief can sometimes make the one who was healed revert back to their old ways. I speak from experience with this. It is impossible to trust God and have faith, not to mention, it’s impossible to please Him too. “But without faith it is impossible to [walk with God and] please Him, for whoever come [near] to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He rewards those who [earnestly and diligently] seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6. I struggled for the longest time believing it was God and for the longest time, thought it was a deceitful spirit trying to pull one over on me because of some of dealing with them in the past, not to mention some of the promises He told me seemed like it was too good to be true. I have come to realize though, the closer I am to God, the more I believe the promise and I guarantee that isn’t a coincidence. Not only did I have a hard time believing the promise but because I doubted God, I started reverting back to my old ways and in starting again, I have reverted back to the way I was when God came into my life a couple of years ago.

The second thing I did was I fasted from food for 5 days last week and man, let me tell you about the miracles that came out of that fast. I got my friend back who had been blinded by deception that made her believe I did something with her husband, not because of me but because of what he had done to her multiple times in the past. I got closer in my relationship towards God. I dropped an addiction to kratom. I started trusting again that it was God telling me about the promises because fasting makes you more spiritually sensitive to His presence. I also dropped the unforgiveness I had towards my ex, my step dad and the guy who beat the crap out of me. It was exhilarating and I know that I’m a better person for it and more importantly can be used by God to help others again.

When I forgave those that hurt me, believe me, it was not easy or pretty for that matter. There was a lot of yelling, screaming, hitting the floor, bed, car and even hitting myself a couple of times trying to get out that unforgiveness. It was a temper tantrum in every sense of the word. But, afterwards, I felt so light and free and felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. There is nothing like feeling no pain when you think back on a past event in your life that caused you a great deal of pain every time you thought about it. Every time I used to think back on certain things, it would either make me depressed or angry and now I don’t feel any pain whatsoever anymore.

The Holy Spirit is the Ultimate Healer and it was even prophesied in Isaiah that He would be just that: “For to us a Child shall be born, to us a Son shall be given; And the government shall be upon His shoulder, And His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, I would like to introduce you to my friend Jesus Christ, who truly has the power to heal all wounds and rewrite all wrongs. He is a God of second chances and the God of a fresh start. It is not easy and it takes a little effort on your part, but in the end, it is worth it when you finally find freedom in Him and not be hurt by your past anymore on top of not letting new, painful roots take hold in the future. He can and will heal all wounds if you let Him.

“Praise the Lord!
For it is good to sing praises to our [gracious and majestic] God;
Praise is becoming and appropriate.
The Lord is building up Jerusalem;
He is gathering [together] the exiles of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow].
He counts the number of the stars;
He calls them all by their names Great is our [majestic and mighty] Lord and abundant in strength;
His understanding is inexhaustible [infinite, boundless].
The Lord lifts up the humble;
He casts the wicked down to the ground.”

Psalm 147:1-6

Infidelity and the Sanctity of Marriage

I don’t think there is a person who can hurt a person more and cut more deeply than that of a spouse or a significant other being unfaithful. It is a rejection and betrayal that trumps all others. The Holy Spirit confirmed for me today that old wounds from my ex fiancé had been truly healed after getting confirmation of him cheating on me years ago with who was supposedly supposed to be my best friend. I had a friend who had been going through the same thing and my heart immediately went back to that time and place but rather than thinking about how much I was hurt by my ex, I instead remembered what that pain felt like and was hurting for her because she was going through the same thing with her husband. It was bitter sweet because I knew God had truly healed the hurt my ex had caused me back then. Instead, my heart hurt for my friend because I knew exactly how she felt and how broken she was because I was the same way after my relationship had ended. “Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me.” Psalm 41:9

There is major freedom in Christ when it comes to Him healing your hearts and asking you to forgive those who wronged you in the past. I thought I would never get over that pain but today I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had truly forgiven him and part of the pieces that he had broken in me had truly been healed by God. “The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health.” Psalm 41:3 I grieved and cried with my friend today, not because of the major empathy I had for her going through almost the same situation I did. Just like my situation with my ex, the situation with her husband had been going on for years and the Bible even covers on that as well: “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9.

Infidelity is probably the worse sin a husband and wife can commit against one another. “But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.” Proverbs 6:32 Not only that, but it’s a major sin against God too. “Run away from sexual immorality [in any form, whether thought or behavior, whether visual or written.]Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the one who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have [received as a gift] from God, and that you are not your own [property]? You were bought with a price [you were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made His own]. So, then, honor and glorify God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. You create a soul tie to anyone you have sex with and that soul tie can give you an unhealthy attachment to whoever you fool around with and make you blind to the true nature of that person. So, if you have sex with someone or multiple people out of wedlock, you create soul ties to every single person you’ve slept with and only God has the power to break those soul ties, which is why God gave us the rule of one man for one woman and one woman for one man in the confines of the wedding bed.

Defiling the marriage bed causes major repercussions and consequences in a person’s life that cannot be undone without the help of the Holy Spirit. “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” Hebrews 13:4 There is also the mental and emotional scars that infidelity causes in a marriage. It breaks the person who was cheated on to the point they don’t trust themselves anymore or even God, which was my case and still is to a certain extent. I used to be so sure of myself but after my relationship with my ex, I don’t trust myself and it has been a long road of healing with God to help me learn to trust myself again. When God came into my life, I felt like a shell of the person I once was and the craziest thing is my ex never admitted that he cheated on me, but I always knew in my heart that he was cheating when he didn’t come home at night or when I would confront him about it.

God has given me multiple signs in the last couple of years upon me inquiring about his unfaithfulness for my own healing. The most recent one was today when my friend told me about what had been happening to her. I asked God last week to give me a sign that my ex had cheated on me with my best friend because the Holy Spirit had just healed me from that hurt and upon hearing my friend’s story, I knew it was the sign that I had asked God for, which felt so relieving but bittersweet because that meant I was right and not crazy like I kept getting told I was. If you get told you’re crazy long enough, you start to believe it.

My hurts from my relationship have taken a toll for the better because not only have I forgiven him but I can help my friend through the transition of forgiving her soon to be ex husband. I can’t do the actual healing, only God can, but what I can do is be there for her to relate my experience and lead her towards the Holy Spirit who can and will heal all her wounds when she is ready to forgive and surrender. Not forgiving my ex has been why I have had such major writer’s block but I hope now that I can start writing every day and sooner than later start writing a book that has to do with my testimony from drug abuse, alcohol abuse, mental and emotional abuse to true freedom in Christ. God is so good and I’m ready to share it with the world!

(FYI, you cannot change a man or woman who is abusive whether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally. ONLY God can and I strongly recommend if you are in an abusive relationship, get out while you can because it will only get worse as time goes by. Please be safe out there.)