Amy Adams

Obedience is God’s Love Language

How can one keep from evil and maintain righteousness with God? Obedience…. This has been something that has been particularly hard for me to do. I have repeatedly been given bad advice by my earthly father and others, so when my heavenly Father gives me advice, I second guess it and think my way is better. My own advice is what has helped me survive, but God’s advice is meant to help me thrive. It’s like He is just trying to beckon me to come, but I am just so apprehensive to believe that what He is telling me to do, I don’t believe it, so I don’t do it, and there are consequences to disobedience and not trusting God.

The devil has been betting on me doing things my way, but I tell you this one thing, that “He who started a good work in me will see it through to completion” (Philippians 1:6)… WHEN I DILLIGENTLY OBEY HIS VOICE. You must do it God’s way if you want everlasting life.

“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore, choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying His voice and holding fast to Him, for He is your life and length of days.” Deuteronomy 30:19, 20

He knows us better than we know ourselves and He knows what builds us up and what breaks us down. For me personally, I have had a lot of vices that have kept me from being the person He created me to be. I must surrender those things so that I can do all God created me to do and help those who He predestined me to help.

I am no stranger to the discipline, correction, and the rebuke of God. Unfortunately for me, I am very stubborn. Fortunately for me, once my submission is complete, there is nothing that can stop me. My stubbornness has actually kept me from turning away from God completely even in my rebellion. So many people turn away from God and I just couldn’t do it. With my disobedience, I had to learn the hard way. I’ve been very gullible and naïve and for most of my life, which is why I have had such a struggle with learning to discern God’s voice from that of the enemy. I had demonic spirits using my mind and infusing my thoughts with ideas that seemed sweet and innocent but in hindsight, were actually meant for my destruction. The voices sounded so sweet and loving but they were actually demons trying to get me to “jump off of a cliff” by holding onto an idol and telling me that God would still welcome me into His kingdom even if I struggled with addiction. That IS NOT what the Bible says.

The Bible says:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.’” Matthew 16:24 (NLT)

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:15 (ESV)

“You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.” Exodus 20:3-5 (NLT)

When you decide to do things your own way and don’t listen to God, you are rejecting Him. When you decide to “live your truth” and not “HIS TRUTH,” you are rejecting God. Surrender is not easy and God doesn’t demand perfection but progress. He just wants what is best for us to live the life He planned for us before the beginning of time. He is looking for complete surrender of our lives over to Him.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25

It doesn’t mean we won’t stumble and fall at times. That’s where God’s grace comes in, but as long as we don’t give up and keep turning to Him, we will walk in victory despite our mistakes. If we don’t lose heart and stick close to Him when we feel faint, He will bring forth our righteousness so we can experience eternal life.

“He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.” Psalm 37:6

“And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” John 17:3

The Children’s Bread

In the past week, I have heard more than once people saying that deliverance is the “children’s bread.” What does that mean you might ask? There is a part of scripture where Jesus is talking to this Serapheonician woman, and she is pleading with Him to deliver her daughter from a demon:

“Jesus told her, ‘First I should feed the children—my own family, the Jews. It isn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs.’

She replied, ‘That’s true, Lord, but even the dogs under the table are allowed to eat the scraps from the children’s plates.’

“Good answer!” he said. ‘Now go home, for the demon has left your daughter.’” Mark 7:27-29 NLT

(Jesus isn’t really trying to be insulting when He refers to her as a dog because He came for the Israelites and His disciples were later charged with bringing in the Gentiles when His own people disowned Him and hung Him on the cross. The Israelites were His priority. They had to reject Him so the Gentiles could be welcomed into the kingdom of God.)

“For since their rejection meant that God offered salvation to the rest of the world, their acceptance will be even more wonderful. It will be life for those who were dead!” Romans 11:15

But what really fascinates me is how the church has conveniently left out the necessity of deliverance when Jesus Himself said it was the children’s bread and those who follow Him are His children. It is possible and extremely likely for someone to be demonized after receiving the Holy Spirit. In fact, until God delivers you either by renewing your mind and causing demons legal rights to be revoked or you or someone else casts out the demons inside of you, it is extremely likely that you have demons. They either entered through trauma, a generational curse, unrepentant sin, etc.

I know from personal experience what it feels like coming out of addiction with the spirit of addiction and without it. It is like night and day. It goes from being a HUGE struggle for weeks to only a challenge the next day because addiction will try to re-enter.

“In that day the Lord will end the bondage of His people. He will break the yoke of slavery and lift it from their shoulders.” Isaiah 10:27 NLT

We can’t be effective in ministry and let the Holy Spirit and our spirit flow to the full potential God created us to flow if we are still bound by dark, unclean spirits. God promises deliverance but He expects His church, not just Himself, to help carry it out.

“Jesus replied, ‘Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.’” John 8:34, 35 ESV

By the time Jesus said this, the disciples were already sent out and casting out devils themselves so they understood that when Jesus said, “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed,” they understood that was deliverance. If you go back to that specific sin He freed you from, it gets worse and He even warns about going back to sin He freed you from.

I know firsthand what a lack of faith and testing the waters will get you, worse bondage than before. Addiction came back with a vengeance for me. God told me to stop before it became an issue and I asked if I could keep on taking it and He told me, “Be careful what you ask for.” And before you know it, it went from a fleshly desire to sin and then it felt like hell getting pulled away from it, even worse than the times before.

But then, I was delivered from addiction a couple weeks ago and it just felt effortless to stop smoking and taking kratom. I didn’t crave cigarettes, kratom, nothing. It only came back with a vengeance the next day because it wanted back into its “home,” but I prayed to God, cried out to Him, worshipped Him, etc. and even as I was on my way to get kratom, He was right there giving me a healthy fear of the Lord so that I didn’t give addiction the authority to get back in. After that day, I haven’t felt any craving that strongly since. Praise be to God!

I have known someone who struggled with lust badly, but they never got relief or deliverance. People tried keeping them close so they could monitor them but eventually, they left the church and their family because they were so tormented by the spirit of lust that they couldn’t take it anymore. That is how powerful some demons can get, and the more you feed them, the stronger they get. This is why Jesus tells us to “pluck out our eyes or cut off our hands” to keep sin from ruling over us (Matthew 18:8, 9). Not literally, but figuratively, wring out whatever is causing you to sin and your flesh to keep the devil from getting a hold of you.

Church is supposed to be a hospital for the broken and we are supposed to “proclaim liberty for the captives” and “release the prisoners from darkness” (Isaiah 61) just like Jesus did. As the church, we are supposed to spread the gospel, and it is so hard when we are bound by unclean spirits. For me, I can write all day long and speak comfortably with people I know about Christ but when I get around strangers, I clam up and have a hard time speaking my mind.

That is a spirit of the fear of man. I have been bound by it for most of my life because of the trauma from the violence I witnessed growing up. A healthy fear of the Lord will help get this out once and for all. I will receive my freedom from this spirit by the Holy Spirit and I working on it together. I don’t just want to speak the Word but be a doer of it.

I don’t know who will read this but consider this, Jesus didn’t just preach the gospel, He didn’t just heal, He didn’t just do miracles, He delivered people from tormenting spirits too. It is about time the church partners with the Holy Spirit and starts walking in the authority Christ gave us to help deliver people from devils, sicknesses, and meaningless lives before it’s too late. Time feels like it’s speeding up because Jesus’ return is imminent. He is longsuffering and just wants His children to follow Him out of the darkness into the light.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:6-8

Rising From The Ashes

I have been through so much turmoil because of my decisions to follow what I wanted rather than following God. I am held accountable for my actions, but God doesn’t want me to dwell on the mistakes of my past. He wants to help me get better and when I do it in my own strength, I only get frustrated because I am not using the help of the Holy Spirit to get away from my sin. Rather than running to Him, I ran from Him and hid because of my sin and shame. But rather than being mad at me, all He has done all day is show me that He’s there and just wants me to turn to Him.

“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 (ESV)

I heard Him whisper this specific verse to me on my way to work and then saw it a few minutes later on the back of a semi-truck. He really cares about us sinning because of what it does to our hearts and our relationship with Him. Holy Spirit just wants us to thrive and knows best what things we ought not to do because it wages war on our hearts and souls.

“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.” 1 Peter 2:11 (ESV)

It is because we are no longer in the world that followers of Christ should abstain and avoid doing things the world does. This doesn’t just include abstaining from things that God freed you from but the way you treat people and look at life. Christ-followers are not of the world, and it makes us feel horrible when we go out and pretend to be like the world. I have made the mistake of going back and doing things God freed me from, and He keeps telling me to stop looking back at what happened weeks or years ago but to stay with Him in this present moment and look to Him to help me out of my current situation.

“Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

Holy Spirit knows that dwelling on the past won’t fix anything, but rather, it will add on to the weight of the current sin, making it heavier than before. He wants to help us get away from the things that hurt us and help us get closer to the One that can help us: Himself. At the end of the day, He chose us, not because of what we could do for Him, but simply because He loves us and wants us to be His children and His ambassadors on this earth. He wants us to walk in love and show other people the light, but we can’t do that as long as we are living in the mistakes of yesterday. The devil knows if he can keep us focused on the past and all the mistakes we’ve made, we won’t have a chance to push forward into the promises God has in store for us. We become bound by our own mistakes or freed by the truth of the immeasurable love of God. He gives us the choice of life or death: death on reliving our pasts or life on living the life He created for us to live.

“But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.” 1 Peter 2:9 (MSG)

“That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.’” 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NLT)

“I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19 (ESV)

El Rachum: The God of Mercy

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:22-25

What is mercy? Mercy is the compassionate kindness of God, which leads Him to withhold punishment and offer forgiveness and relief to those who don’t deserve it. At the end of the day, none of us deserve forgiveness. We have all fallen short in some form or other. “as it is written: ‘None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.’” Romans 3:10-12. This is a piece taken out of Psalm 53 and Psalm 14. It is basically saying there is no one in this world who can boast about being flawless… there is only One who managed to live out a perfect life of righteousness and His name is the name above all names: Jesus Christ. When I think about what He did for me and anyone who believes in His name, I am enamored by what Jesus did for me. He was fully man and fully God and came down to this earth and lived a perfect life to fill the righteous requirement to be the “propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10) and the perfect sacrifice.

Think about it. The love and mercy of God is that “God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 I have screwed up so much in coming to the Lord and His great mercy is the fact that I’m still alive and in right standing with Him. I should be dead, many times over in the last 6 years but I’m still here. God is not done with us and doesn’t care about the mistakes of yesterday, the mistakes of last week, last month, or last year. He cares about seeing you prosper and helping you get to doing the thing He created you for, whatever that may be.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

This prophecy came when Israel had been exiled to Babylon and had to wait 70 years for this promise to come to pass. But even in the midst of living out their punishment for going after other gods, God still showed up with compassion and gave them a promise to bring them back to the promised land. So, even while you’re living out a punishment and having to face consequences for your actions, God still shows His love and mercy by never leaving your side. Everything you do bears weight, sometimes however, you don’t receive what you deserve because you pray to God for mercy and repent with a sincere heart. Rather than being punished severely or even a little bit, God will forgive and forget the whole thing when He sees you are truly remorseful for your actions. Now, habitually sinning and continuing in it will cause you to get the chastisement of God and that is extremely unpleasant. I have received chastisement more than once for not listening to what He said, but I have also been on the other side where I received mercy for something I should have been punished for.

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” Hebrews 12:11, 12

One of the hardest things God has had to deal with me on and be super merciful towards is my rebellious spirit. I will be the first to admit that there is just something in me that makes me want to not listen and do the opposite of what He says sometimes or think that what He says isn’t really Him talking and it’s just me saying to do or not to do something. That happens more often than not. I have been extremely confused by other spirits that are not the Holy Spirit talking to me in my head too.

Not to mention, some people I have been mentored by seem to think that the Holy Spirit is only there for spiritual guidance rather than helping us in every area of our lives. I personally know that He has helped me with more than just spiritual guidance. He has helped me learn how to clean the house, talk to people who are hostile, how not to react when other people are rude, how to work out, how to not road rage, and so much more. Why can’t our Heavenly Father tell us how to live in everything we do? Not just spiritually, but in everything we need help with learning how to do in a righteous way. He is our Father, and an earthly father gets personal with his children so why shouldn’t our Heavenly Father be even more personal when He knows our thoughts before we do?

Our main goal as children of God is to be “holy as He is holy,” (1 Peter 1:16) which means we are to offer ourselves up as “living sacrifices,” (Romans 12:1) and do whatever He asks of us. That also means to start acting the way He acts, talking the way He talks and living the way He wants us to live. We give up our lives for Him because He already gave up His life for us. The hardest part is fully surrendering to God, something I have struggled and struggled with. But He has been so merciful and patient, and I really pray that I no longer go back to doing the things I used to in my old way of life. It is time I start walking in freedom and victory that Christ paid so dearly for me to have. Today is the day where you can continue doing what you have been doing or start walking in the calling that God has for your life. The choice is yours.

“But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right – the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore, you shall choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding closely to Him; for He is your life [your good life, your abundant life your fulfillment] and the length of your days, that you may live…” Deuteronomy 30:19, 20

“Who remembered us in our lowly state

For His mercy endures forever;

And rescued us from our enemies,

For His mercy endures forever;

Who gives food to all flesh,

For His mercy endures forever.

Oh, give thanks to the God of heaven!

For His mercy endures forever.” Psalm 136:23-26

The Root of Rejection

For those of you who know, rejection hurts. So many people suffer from rejection and self-medicate with alcohol, weed, cigarettes, drugs, etc. Some people even go to lengths of self-mutilation by cutting themselves. I have to say that I have done all of these things, but it’s been years since I have cut myself. However, those who partake in drugs and alcohol don’t even realize that these coping mechanisms are forms of self-mutilation because it wears down the body over time, usually leading to premature death.

“If you see any brother or sister commit a sin that does not lead to death, you should pray and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death. I do not say that you should pray about that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death.” 1 John 5:16, 17

The thing that I have always had a hard time accepting is that God loves me unconditionally. It doesn’t matter what I do, He is still there willing to help me. What I have done is place too much weight and emphasis on people and in turn, have made people into idols, affecting my relationship with God. This is why God so emphatically says, “you shall have no other gods before me… for I am a jealous God.” Exodus 20:3, 5. Jealous in today’s terms holds a negative connotation but what this word jealous specifically talks about is God’s right to be worshipped above anything or anyone else in our lives. He gave us life, crafted us together in our mother’s womb, and if we choose to believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, gave us right to be His children.

“But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” John 1:12, 13 (ESV)

Placing too much weight on people causes our devotion for God to go down and our emptiness to go up. People will ALWAYS let us down at some point and when they do, we are crushed and broken. For me, that usually leads to self-harm by going to get kratom to numb the pain despite how I feel the next day. However, today was different. I didn’t want to keep getting it and the Holy Spirit didn’t want me to get it either. So, He had a friend who is filled with the Spirit call me and another one text me. Not to mention, God had me start writing about rejection and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.

The problem we face as humans is learning to accept the unwavering, unchanging love of God and let that be what fuels us into being better people who become capable of helping others who are struggling with self-worth.

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:16-18 (NIV)

Notice the word “rely.” Rely means we can put our weight on it, that we can be trusted that His love for us won’t waver when we mess up. When we can actually grasp and believe that God’s love is unshakeable, our foundation in His love becomes unshakeable. It is not based on what we do or don’t do, but on the precious blood of Jesus. If we are smart, we choose to listen to God and obey what He tells us to do. That is when blessings on blessings start to come in, and I’m not just talking about financial blessings but eternal blessings. We start to live life eternally rather than setting our minds on things in this world. We work to please God and act the way He would act. We choose not to continue to seek our own wants and needs but focus on what He wants for us, which funny enough, is actually what we end up wanting and needing. Who better to tell us how to live life than the one who gave us life? No one in this world, including ourselves, has the knowledge to know what one was created for except the Creator.

“You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:15, 16 (NLT)

“In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through Him, and nothing was created except through Him.” John 1:1-3 (NLT)

God has shown me time and time again that no one can possibly invest as much time and energy into someone as God would. He is always there, always waiting, always wanting to help those who call on the name of the Lord. People will let you down. They may be busy, may not know the right things to say, or maybe not even care enough to help you because they’re hurting too. But God is perfect love. He doesn’t care about what you did yesterday or 10 years ago. He wants to prosper you and not harm you. He crafted you for a purpose, a purpose only He can show you how to live and walk out. So next time you are feeling the rejection of the world, fix your eyes on God and He will show you the unending love He has to offer.

“Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.” 1 Corinthian 13:4-8 (HCSB)

I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful…” Psalm 139:14 (HCSB)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.” Hebrews 12:1, 2 (NLT)

Prayer of Consecration

I give my life to the Ancient of Days

Because He gave His life for me

My life is no longer my own

When He bled and died for me

The time has come to pick up my cross

And count everything else as loss

The time has come to be consecrated

And live a life fully dedicated

Living a life in total submission

Determined to complete God’s mission

That those who don’t know Jesus Christ

Can know His love and be enticed

To lay down their lives for the One

Who died for our sins and won

Let’s Play Ball

As I am watching my daughter’s softball game, I have been given the impression that most churches are like a 10U softball game: inexperienced, ineffective and immature. Our opponents are the devil, demons, and other spiritual hosts of wickedness. Most churches don’t even acknowledge the existence or power the devil has and do not engage whatsoever in spiritual warfare. That being said, demons (even the devil), are absolutely no match against Christ or those walking in their true identity in Christ. However, evil spirits are a match and very dangerous to people living in the world and Christians who are ignorant to the devil’s schemes. “…to keep Satan from taking advantage of us; for we are not ignorant to his schemes.” 2 Corinthians 2:11. This verse is talking about harboring offense towards someone, which is the quickest way the devil gains a foothold in our lives.

If this life were likened to a softball game, followers of Christ would be the players on the home team, let’s call them Team Jesus. The opponents would be the principalities, powers, and spiritual forces of evil; we will call them Team Satan. They can and do wreak havoc in your life if you do not pray against them when you feel led to and stay in total obedience to what God has called you to do. “His commandments are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3) and elevate you to your true potential. In fact, I have had many instances where the devil attacking me has brought me back to God when I was led astray.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 KJV

When you decide to go off and do your own thing and are continuously rebellious (whether intentional or unintentional), God will stop talking to you and His protection will start to lift. I have repeatedly lived in rebellion, and I pray that all my rebellion has been resolved for my sake. I will confess that I have not been the best player on Team Jesus, but I can say that it’s all about to change. “And behold, some are last who will be first, and some are first will be last.” Luke 13:30 I can tell you that part of my rebellion was from ignorance to His word and the other part was not trusting Him. Distrust can also put a rift in between you and God. It took me 4 years of pain to realize that the voice that has been speaking to me all along is the Holy Spirit. Discernment is crucial in this day and age. There is more evil in this world now more than ever.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV

There are a few coaches in this spiritual “ball game.” I use the term “ball game” loosely because this is not a game: it is life and death. “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore, choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19. Obviously, Holy Spirit, Jesus and the Father are the head coaches, but there are a few more coaches to keep in mind that are of this world. Prophets, apostles, preachers, and elders are what I would call assistant coaches. Not everyone is called to leadership roles because they are held at a higher standard and strictness. God makes natural born leaders that are capable of teaching His church. Personally, I am not in a leadership role yet, but I know that God has called me to be an apostle. I can recollect being picked to lead for class projects/assignments, different games, and have held managerial roles in the past. I have had troubles and downfalls that have led me away from leadership, but God can always restore what the enemy stole.

“Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” James 3:1-2 ESV

God calls some to be teachers, some to be apostles, and others prophets, but that doesn’t mean are all called to leadership roles. Oftentimes they are the most unlikely of people that have experienced severe trauma and spiritual oppression, probably because the devil knew they would be a huge threat to him when they were born. They are a diamond in the rough. I come from a family of preachers who were corrupted by the devil when my pap became a mason. There are families of preachers who work with God and are blessed for many generations. Then, some if not most families become corrupted by the devil and end up being cursed for 3 or 4 generations.

“The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.” Exodus 34:7

Unless God directs you towards leadership, I would not pursue it. I have a passion for leading people in whatever I do, and I don’t know why. It’s just a desire that has always burned inside of me. There are other people in the body who are better suited to serve in generosity, evangelism, intercession, etc. I enjoy speaking about God to small groups, but I don’t know if I have been called to preach the word to a congregation or huge groups of people.

There are many more spectators than players in this spiritual battle. I have been guilty of being one of them. God has showed me just how irritating it is to be welcomed into His kingdom and then feel entitled to do whatever you want without participating in this serious battle. But how can you even participate in something you have no idea about? Or how can you witness to people when you have trouble talking to strangers because of a deep-seated fear of man? You can’t. This is where the Holy Spirit comes in. God knows you are trying to please Him and as long as you don’t turn your back on Him, God will lead you, into the new you and the identity He has called you to be. This God-given identity is the real you, the one God placed on the inside of you when He “knit you together in your mother’s womb.”

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14

Church leaders are great for building up the saints but first, God must work on the leaders before they can lead others properly. It is very hard to lead when you’re not sure if you’re being led by the Spirit of God or even being led in the right way by the Spirit of God. There are some things God does not tell certain people because they couldn’t handle the information He has to present, so sometimes He has others present info to prepare them for the information that God has been waiting to present. We all have a specific role that God has called us to fill. It is about surrendering our fears, our doubts, our uncertainties, our ways, and our wills to Christ so that Christ can have an efficient and effective church. Some churches are doing things the way God wants them to do while others are not even scratching the surface of the authority that has been given to them by being a Child of God. It is time to get our heads in the game and serve the Lord with everything we have!

“He who descended is the one who also ascended far above the heavens, the He might fill all things. And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son Of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.” Ephesians 4:9-14

Deprogramming Music

God has been showing me that certain songs that I listened to when I was growing up have programmed me into repetitiously sinning against Him. Deprogramming me from the music and lifestyle I lived before Christ hasn’t been easy. Music gets ingrained in the brain for decades. There are songs I can sing off the top of my head to this day that I learned when I was a kid or a song will start playing somewhere and I will know the lyrics immediately.

“Weak” by AJR and “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears are just a couple of the many songs I listened to over and over. I specifically remember the Holy Spirit pointing these songs out to me as a reason I have struggled so much with substance abuse. They programmed me into a weak-minded individual who was constantly apologizing for sinning. My naivety and gullibility didn’t help either. I am grateful for the mercy of God. I have taken full responsibility for my sin and God has removed it as far as the East is from the West, but it’s crazy to know that music has played such a pivotal role in programming me. The only way to combat and erase sinful tendencies is with God’s word, Gospel songs, prayer and time in the secret place. This will erase the hold these songs have had in me.

This knowledge doesn’t give me a right to sin against God. It does however make me aware of the power of music and the seriousness of singing songs repetitiously. I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with being deprogrammed from mainstream music by the Holy Spirit. There are so many people out there who have met God but have struggled with sin because of the power of the music they listened to growing up. Most don’t even realize that is exactly why they are struggling.

The devil was the worship leader in heaven before his rebellion got him kicked out. His body had musical instruments and precious gems on it. Ezekiel 28:13: “The workmanship of your timbrels and pipes was prepared for you on the day you were created.” I have also heard a prophet/seer named Micah Turnbo confirm his appearance when he was translated back in time and saw Lucifer before he fell. He was the most beautiful and stunning out of all the angels that God created. His vanity caused him to be prideful and caused his downfall. He hates us and we were one of the reasons he rose against God, which is why he works through people and makes secular music that programs us to do his will and not God’s.

To be transparent, I have struggled with kratom addiction since meeting God for almost 4 years now. God told me I could take it for pain but every time He told me to stop, I was rebellious and didn’t listen. I have also been continuously deceived by myself and the devil. I have been attacked and plagued with anxiety and fear that God is going to leave me. I have also been extremely ashamed of my addiction. But this shame stops now and this fear that God is going to leave me stops now. The devil can’t make me feel shame for something that is brought to the light. Not only that, but God showed me yesterday that this was my Goliath and we got it right in between the eyes when He showed me a verse in my mind.

1 Samuel 17:49: “Then David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth.”

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I have felt compelled to write this for some time now and have had a fear under the surface that the devil is going to attack me for writing this and have refrained, but I have come to the realization that I have been foolish in this thought process. I am a child of God and it’s time I started acting like it. He knows who I am even when I question it.

“Nevertheless, the firm foundation of God [which He has laid] stands [sure and unshaken despite attacks], bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord stand apart from wickedness and withdraw from wrongdoing.” 2 Timothy 2:19

Just as music can be used for destruction of morals, it can be used for healing and getting stronger in the Lord when singing gospel music. Not only that, but the frequency 444 Hz actually has the ability to physically heal you. Certain frequencies have the ability to heal whereas others have the ability to destroy. There is a Christian band I listen to right now called Mountains in the Sea that has some songs in 444 Hz and they sing some songs with scripture in it. Psalms are music that has transcended time and survived thousands of years and translations.

1 Samuel 16:16 ESV: “Let our lord now command your servants who are before you to seek out a man who is skillful in playing the lyre, and when the harmful spirit from God is upon you, he will play it, and you will be well.”

God knew what He was doing when He brought music into existence. It is extremely sad that His lead worship leader (Lucifer) decided to rebel against Him and get kicked out of heaven. It’s heartbreaking to know that God’s creation that was created for good to make beautiful music was corrupted by his thoughts about himself and us. Now, he is a weapon used for evil, corrupting people in their ignorance through music that has a catchy beat and makes you feel some type of way. I feel for God because what happened to the devil happens with us every time we choose our way over His. Our selfish motives not only hurt Him but it hurts us in the long run.

“The world is passing away, along with its desires; but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” 1 John 2:17

I know better than anyone that the fleshly desires are dangerous and certain music arouses those fleshly desires. Don’t think you can listen to a song that talks about sex and drugs and not be affected by it sooner or later, especially if you have a family history of drug and alcohol abuse and problems with lust. The devil knows this and uses it to his advantage. It activates the generational curses you have inside of you via your DNA. Just like certain diseases run in families, so do certain iniquities.

“You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me…” Deuteronomy 5:9

However, God knows just how important music is too and uses those gifted with singing to help sing songs that are uplifting and talk about Him.

At the end of the day, it’s all about what you choose to entertain and listen to. Are you going to feed your flesh with songs of sensuality or are you going to feed your spirit with songs of holiness and worship? The choice is yours.

“I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live” Deuteronomy 30:19

Fleshly Desires

I have been looking at something that I have had a problem with in the past and have truly been wondering what makes something a fleshly desire. I believe God has taken me on this journey to show me how something that doesn’t start out as a fleshly desire can become one and then that fleshly desire soon turns into sin, because it takes the place of God and becomes an idol. The thing that I have had a problem figuring out is a substance called kratom, something that I believe God told me He put on this earth to help people with pain, but only acute pain and was never intended to be taken long term. Truly, any substance that produces a feeling of euphoria has the potential for abuse, like alcohol, weed, or pain killers.

Fleshly desires cause you to feel disconnected from God, even though He is still right there. It will get you further away from the frequency it takes to hear the Holy Spirit. They cause you to be full of fear instead of full of faith. What might start out as something innocent becomes something that makes you question your identity in Christ. That is around the time that you should be praying to God for help to get you off it and He will deliver you. “I sought the LORD, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:3. I have had a bit of a rough time in dealing with this particular substance because unlike most others, this is one that you can function on easily without feeling overly intoxicated, like alcohol or marijuana. God also showed me while taking kratom that there are a lot of people who are struggling to get off it. I talked to one person who took it for 8 years straight. That is a long time to be on anything.

God has shown me that people are easily swayed to continue doing something that feels good and even continue doing it when it doesn’t. This is very dangerous because kratom is particularly bad on your liver and kidneys, something most people aren’t aware of until it’s too late. And as if that is not bad enough, once you stop taking it, you experience withdrawals likened to coming off heroin, but not nearly as bad (I have come off both). To top it off, your brain has a hard time producing dopamine the way it used to. For me, that’s not been such a big deal because I have God in my life and I truly believe He fixed my brain so that I didn’t feel that, except for the first couple of weeks coming off kratom when I had stayed on it for 6 months.

The devil will try and convince you to get back on it if you are a child of God and will take out his heaviest arsenal, making you question God talking to you, giving you horrible anxiety and depression. Sometimes the attacks are unrelenting. However, I have come to find that when I meditate on God’s word and remember Isaiah 26:3: “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.” The enemy is good at putting bad thoughts in your head and making it seem like those thoughts are your thoughts. You must come into your identity and remember who you are and WHO’s you are… A Child of the KING of Kings. The Lord loves His children and if you ask Him for anything without wavering on Him answering, He will answer you. His guidance can also offer a way of escaping from the situation. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be temptedbeyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

And when I tell you that the devil is good at making you forget, I mean he’s cunning and gives you spiritual amnesia. He puts a spirit of confusion on you and makes you forget about your interactions with God, almost like you haven’t spoken to God in ages, when in fact, you have. God has been having me write things down as proof that I have spoken to Him and it has helped me tremendously remember things, although I still freak out for a little bit until I remember to look. Everyone has times where their faith wavers, but when you have indulged in fleshly desires, sometimes it really wages war against your soul. “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;”1 Peter 2:11

On this journey with God, I have pondered why a fleshly lust is so detrimental and towards the end of It, I have seen it makes you question yourself in Christ. Also, I see it makes you feel so awkward mentally and makes you question whether God loves you or not. At least that has been the case for me.

This certain fleshly desire to kratom has shown me just how weak-minded certain substances make people in the long run. We were never meant to feel weak like that. We are children of God and are meant to feel empowered because He made us in HIS IMAGE AND HIS LIKENESS. By that definition, we are not weak by any means when we walk the path He has for us. Withdrawing from it made me feel so full of fear and anxious because it affected my limbic system badly, and that is only using on and off for 2 months. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like quitting it after doing it for years. It felt like the gates of hell were going to prevail against me, the fear was so bad.

It doesn’t matter what your fleshly desire is, whatever it is: money, power, fame, substances, gossiping etc. There is always a mountain you have to climb to get to your next high. You must continue to increase whatever desire you have to find contentment, but at the end of the day, nothing will give you fulfillment like walking in the life God has called you to. You can and do live in a constant state of joy and peace, within reason, but almost to the point that circumstances that would undo most people don’t phase you like it phases others. What the world calls foolishness, God calls wisdom and what the world calls wisdom and satisfaction, God calls foolishness.

A lot of people are going to think that this wasn’t God, but I truly know that it was because he told me to stop a few weeks before I stopped. He told me to stop when it was about to become a fleshly desire, staying within the confines of His word. I have to say now that I noticed when it shifted from not being a desire of the flesh to being one and then there was a certain point where He said that from that day forward, it would be considered sin. God didn’t want me to experience this level of intensity on the withdrawals mentally and emotionally, but I know now that a fleshly desire is something that comes in all forms. It is not just a substance that makes you feel something, but it is anything that has the ability to become an idol or an unrighteous act. It starts out innocent but gets worse over time. Be advised that these things will hurt you and God wants nothing but the best for His children.

Pray and ask God if there is anything in your life that has a stronghold on you and needs to be removed and see what He says. He will lead you out of it. All you need to do is repent, turn towards Him, and ask Him for help. Once He tells you what to do, you must listen and obey what He tells you, otherwise you will stay where you were.

Marriage and Communion with God

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:4-8

With households becoming more unpredictable and family life becoming much more hectic than ever before, there are more and more people nowadays struggling with identity issues. There is a reason for all these wanky thought patterns, whether it be from LGBTQ+ to anxious attachments, there is a STRONG need for Christ followers to rise up and stop playing around with the gifts and callings that God has given to each one of us.

Moms were always meant to stay at home to raise their children along with incorporating a bigger, God-ordained calling outside of just being a housewife. Why do you think there was such a major rise in popping pills and the pharmaceutical industry in the 60s and 70s from house moms staying at home doing nothing and getting bored when their kids went to school? Also, why do you think that drug use is on the rise period?? Because people have lost their true identities and when you lose your identity and don’t know that you have a God-given calling, you get bored, depressed, anxious, angry, and potentially addicted to kill whatever pain is growing on the inside. I know this better than most because my mammaw was a pill popper, my mom was an alcoholic, and I was a full-blown junkie before God got a hold of me. I can say with certainty that it’s time to stop medicating and covering up our problems with pharmaceutical drugs and be healed completely by the One who knows us by name and created us for the purpose of being loved by Him.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

There is this term I came across called anxious attachment style, which is cultivated from not having a stable but rather unpredictable household. Most, if not all people from broken households struggle with this in some form or fashion. This is something I have unknowingly struggled with. God is showing me how to break this mindset and truly find freedom in knowing that God loves me unconditionally, I never have to worry about Him leaving me or forsaking me and that I never have to fear anything anymore. Children will not be well-rounded if the parents are not well-rounded. That is just common sense. Anxious attachment style displays itself in many ways, and I am starting to see this now in myself and in my past relationships and in my current relationship with God.

Some of the characteristics a person with anxious attachment style displays is a need for constant reassurance, validation, and affirmation of their partner’s love and commitment to them and feel very uncomfortable when they don’t receive it. They are afraid of rejection, which will lead to anxiety and overreaching attempts to gain closeness again. Anxious attachments can make people clingy and needy, causing them to want to spend a lot of time with whoever they’re attached to, leading to separation anxiety. Jealousy plays a huge role in this person’s behavior as well, feeling threatened by other people and often leading to erratic behavior and taking their jealousy out on other people or the person they’re attached to. Having unhealthy boundaries causes them to struggle with respecting that person’s space and prioritizing that person’s needs above their own.

Negative self-perception also comes from anxious attachment styles. We were never meant to think of ourselves as less than what we are: a miracle that God pre-ordained before the foundation of the world to have a relationship with Him and walk in the specific calling He made us for. “Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him.” Ephesians 1:4. Overthinking and ruminating about mistakes or things that have happened is another common thing that someone with this anxious thought process has. Personally, I have found it really hard to let go of things I have done to people, things other people have done to me, and beating myself up over silly mistakes that most people wouldn’t even think twice about. I frustrate myself more than anything most of the time, but that is not how my story will end. Anyone who truly follows Christ and lays down their life for Him will begin and end in victory and all those years stuck in broken mindsets will be gone. Life truly begins when you lay your life down for the God who knows you better than anyone.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25

That being said, traditionally, men weren’t just supposed to be the bread winners and providers. They were supposed to have a partnership with their spouse in whatever God called them to do, complimenting each other. “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18. A husband was never meant to provide for his family by working and never be at home while a wife was never meant to stay at home cleaning the house and raising kids. So, what happened? We lost sight of God and started focusing on what we wanted or thought we wanted. The great news is He never lost sight of us. I believe He is raising up men and women to be strong in Him and then bring them together to be ultimate power couples for the kingdom of God. He has told me that getting a right relationship with Him first is crucial before bringing a strong, godly man in my life to marry. I believe He is doing this with multiple men and women across the world. Think about it like this: it’s a lot easier to work with one individual and their individual problems than it is to work with 2 individuals and their individual problems at the same time. They can destroy each other before God’s work is finished. It’s not impossible but it’s not expedient either.

If men and women nowadays that have been absent of God most of their life come into a relationship with God, they need time with God before coming into a relationship with another person, namely a like-minded believer. They need to learn how to drop their anxious, destructive thought processes by learning how to trust in God while learning how to be loyal and faithful to God too. They need to have a healthy relationship with God before they would be able to come into a relationship with another believer. God has to take a lot of crap depending on how broken that person is, and He doesn’t want another person to have to go through some of the mistreatment and infidelity He goes through with a broken person. Not only that, but a believer is ready for a relationship, it can’t be with a non-believer. It could completely immobilize and debilitate any destiny the believer has with God. I have seen how one spouse was a believer in a relationship with God while the other was a believer but had no relationship with God. The man tried several times to start a church and every time, it failed. Not because the man wasn’t a man of God but because the wife wasn’t a strong woman of God. The wife unintentionally stole his God-given destiny.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

Men and women are meant to compliment each other. They are meant to help each other and work side by side, hopefully doing work for the kingdom of God. They are not meant to out rank the other because one does more than the other, but rather they are supposed to help each other when it comes to any endeavor God has called them to. Before He can bring two like-minded believers together, He must fix a few things, change a few perceptions, and clean up whatever mess the world created in that man or woman. Sometimes it could take weeks for a person to be healed and cleansed if they have the right church discipling them. Unfortunately, it could also take years depending on the willingness and attitude of the believer God is cultivating. All need deliverance from spirits and mindsets and if the church isn’t equipped to do that, it’s a problem, but not a problem too big for God to get around.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

So, if you’re lonely and you are currently working on yourself and have a relationship with the Lord, take heart because God knows that you shouldn’t be alone any longer than you need to be and you deserve to have a spouse who compliments you in every way. Get plugged into a church that will hold you accountable and offer deliverance and healing. Lean into God and He will get you there, make your paths straight, and give you the desires of your heart when you delight yourself in Him.