I made a big mistake last week. I took kratom for the first time in 33 days. I didn’t think it was going to be that bad, but it was, like it really was. I have spent the last 4 days recovering from it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Good news that came from taking it though: I have been completely turned off from wanting to take it again. I don’t think about it with desire anymore, but with pure disdain and disgust. So, despite my mental recovery taking longer than I wanted it to, this mistake got the job done in dispelling my cravings for kratom completely.

            I thought that this mistake would just cause more mistakes, but it was the mindset that I was a failure and weak that kept causing me to slip up and make more mistakes. When we don’t think highly enough of ourselves and God’s ability to make us successful, we become unfruitful, miserable, and fall into the trap of self-pity. The desires of our old man create these downfalls that cause us to revert back to our old way of thinking.

“But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:20-24 (ESV)

            It also says in God’s Word to not think of ourselves more highly than we ought to. This means that we don’t think in pride and arrogance that we are better than everyone else, but to think honestly about ourselves and to see ourselves ultimately the way Christ sees us. We are not meant to use our own gifts for selfish gain but for the benefit of others. That doesn’t mean we can’t pray or use our gifts to help ourselves, but it means that we should be more focused on the needs of others rather than our own.

“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Romans 12:1-3 (NLT)

            The only way that we can come to a new level of wholeness and walk in love is to renew our minds. We can only do that by repeating the things God says about us. We come into agreement with whatever we think about ourselves, whether it be the truth of what God says about us or the lies the enemy implanted in us when we were young and/or as we got older. Whatever we believe in our hearts will be brought out to the surface

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)

“For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV)

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34 (ESV)

It is possible to have bitterness towards yourself when you make a mistake, especially if you don’t receive forgiveness from God. We tend to be our own worst critics, especially if you struggle with perfectionism and are performance-driven. Sometimes, God will let you make mistakes just to show you these things about yourself. One who is comfortable making mistakes and doesn’t hold onto them for too long is one who is starting to see themselves the way God sees them: human and His child. I used to dwell on my mistakes for weeks and stay stuck in the past. The simple fact that I have allowed myself to receive God’s forgiveness and let things go this quickly is leaps and bounds in my walk with Christ.

I am hopeful that one day I will not take longer than a day to linger on my mistakes, but walk in true repentance and receive His forgiveness the same day I made the mistake to begin with. None of us are perfect and we have all fallen short of God’s standard of righteousness. The best thing we can do is walk in love and put on Christ so that when we make mistakes, we don’t dwell on them, but put them behind us and move forward into the future.

“…I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13, 14 (NIV)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1, 2 (NIV)