“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:4-8

Moms were always meant to stay at home to raise their children along with incorporating a bigger, God-ordained calling outside of just being a housewife. Why do you think there was such a major rise in popping pills and the pharmaceutical industry in the 60s and 70s from house moms staying at home doing nothing and getting bored when their kids went to school? Also, why do you think that drug use is on the rise period?? Because people have lost their true identities and when you lose your identity and don’t know that you have a God-given calling, you get bored, depressed, anxious, angry, and potentially addicted to kill whatever pain is growing on the inside. I know this better than most because my mammaw was a pill popper, my mom was an alcoholic, and I was a full-blown junkie before God got a hold of me. I can say with certainty that it’s time to stop medicating and covering up our problems with pharmaceutical drugs and be healed completely by the One who knows us by name and created us for the purpose of being loved by Him.  

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

            There is this term I came across called anxious attachment style, which is cultivated from not having a stable but rather unpredictable household. Most, if not all people from broken households struggle with this in some form or fashion. This is something I have unknowingly struggled with. God is showing me how to break this mindset and truly find freedom in knowing that God loves me unconditionally, I never have to worry about Him leaving me or forsaking me and that I never have to fear anything anymore. Children will not be well-rounded if the parents are not well-rounded. That is just common sense. Anxious attachment style displays itself in many ways, and I am starting to see this now in myself and in my past relationships and in my current relationship with God.

Some of the characteristics a person with anxious attachment style displays is a need for constant reassurance, validation, and affirmation of their partner’s love and commitment to them and feel very uncomfortable when they don’t receive it. They are afraid of rejection, which will lead to anxiety and overreaching attempts to gain closeness again. Anxious attachments can make people clingy and needy, causing them to want to spend a lot of time with whoever they’re attached to, leading to separation anxiety. Jealousy plays a huge role in this person’s behavior as well, feeling threatened by other people and often leading to erratic behavior and taking their jealousy out on other people or the person they’re attached to. Having unhealthy boundaries causes them to struggle with respecting that person’s space and prioritizing that person’s needs above their own.

Negative self-perception also comes from anxious attachment styles. We were never meant to think of ourselves as less than what we are: a miracle that God pre-ordained before the foundation of the world to have a relationship with Him and walk in the specific calling He made us for. “Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him.” Ephesians 1:4. Overthinking and ruminating about mistakes or things that have happened is another common thing that someone with this anxious thought process has. Personally, I have found it really hard to let go of things I have done to people, things other people have done to me, and beating myself up over silly mistakes that most people wouldn’t even think twice about. I frustrate myself more than anything most of the time, but that is not how my story will end. Anyone who truly follows Christ and lays down their life for Him will begin and end in victory and all those years stuck in broken mindsets will be gone. Life truly begins when you lay your life down for the God who knows you better than anyone.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:25  

  That being said, traditionally, men weren’t just supposed to be the bread winners and providers. They were supposed to have a partnership with their spouse in whatever God called them to do, complimenting each other. “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18. A husband was never meant to provide for his family by working and never be at home while a wife was never meant to stay at home cleaning the house and raising kids. So, what happened? We lost sight of God and started focusing on what we wanted or thought we wanted. The great news is He never lost sight of us. I believe He is raising up men and women to be strong in Him and then bring them together to be ultimate power couples for the kingdom of God. He has told me that getting a right relationship with Him first is crucial before bringing a strong, godly man in my life to marry. I believe He is doing this with multiple men and women across the world. Think about it like this: it’s a lot easier to work with one individual and their individual problems than it is to work with 2 individuals and their individual problems at the same time. They can destroy each other before God’s work is finished. It’s not impossible but it’s not expedient either.

If men and women nowadays that have been absent of God most of their life come into a relationship with God, they need time with God before coming into a relationship with another person, namely a like-minded believer. They need to learn how to drop their anxious, destructive thought processes by learning how to trust in God while learning how to be loyal and faithful to God too. They need to have a healthy relationship with God before they would be able to come into a relationship with another believer. God has to take a lot of crap depending on how broken that person is, and He doesn’t want another person to have to go through some of the mistreatment and infidelity He goes through with a broken person. Not only that, but a believer is ready for a relationship, it can’t be with a non-believer. It could completely immobilize and debilitate any destiny the believer has with God. I have seen how one spouse was a believer in a relationship with God while the other was a believer but had no relationship with God. The man tried several times to start a church and every time, it failed. Not because the man wasn’t a man of God but because the wife wasn’t a strong woman of God. The wife unintentionally stole his God-given destiny.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

Men and women are meant to compliment each other. They are meant to help each other and work side by side, hopefully doing work for the kingdom of God. They are not meant to out rank the other because one does more than the other, but rather they are supposed to help each other when it comes to any endeavor God has called them to. Before He can bring two like-minded believers together, He must fix a few things, change a few perceptions, and clean up whatever mess the world created in that man or woman. Sometimes it could take weeks for a person to be healed and cleansed if they have the right church discipling them. Unfortunately, it could also take years depending on the willingness and attitude of the believer God is cultivating. All need deliverance from spirits and mindsets and if the church isn’t equipped to do that, it’s a problem, but not a problem too big for God to get around.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

So, if you’re lonely and you are currently working on yourself and have a relationship with the Lord, take heart because God knows that you shouldn’t be alone any longer than you need to be and you deserve to have a spouse who compliments you in every way. Get plugged into a church that will hold you accountable and offer deliverance and healing. Lean into God and He will get you there, make your paths straight, and give you the desires of your heart when you delight yourself in Him.